Christians and "The Prosperity Gospel"

Last night I watched an episode of the new History Channel program Vikings. In this episode the priests convince a man to become a human sacrifice in order to keep the gods happy so that the gods will continue to bless his family and friends (not a part of the Verizon “friends & family” plan). As offensive as we might find this idea today, we are still not far removed from this kind of magical thinking.

I then went over to CBN (The Christian Broadcasting Network) and listened as a woman gave her pitch for why viewers should give money to CBN, even if they are experiencing their own severe financial problems. The main point she made is that you have to show Faith by contributing to The 700 Club first, before you can get your miracle. Her example was a family that recently was deeply in debt and nearing bankruptcy. The family contacted CBN & The 700 Club, and they all prayed over this financial debt. They also got credit counselors to contact their creditors to ask for more time, a discount on the amount owed, etc.

Needless to say, the family’s support of CBN was rewarded the very next day when the family got a letter from the bank saying that the bank was dropping its attempt to collect on their second mortgage. Thanks to God’s help (and the amazing charity of this bank) the family saved over $100,000!!!! Yes God does work in mysterious ways.

I won’t be so crass as to suggest that the letter from the bank had to be already in the mail when the family sat down to pray. The Rev. Jerry Falwell once claimed that God did not perform such chronological magic, but I am inclined to believe that God has power over time & space and absolutely He can do whatever his followers believe He can do.

However, I am more inclined to believe that the bank decided, for its own reasons, that the debt could not be collected and that “forgiveness” was its only legal option, as going to court was both expensive and pointless. You can’t get blood out of a turnip — even a Christian turnip.

I might be inclined to ignore The 700 Club’s crass shakedown of its viewers. Except that, some years ago, The 700 Club contacted my mother-in-law to talk to her about healing her heart problem. They promised to prey (oops, I meant pray) over her and got her to contribute a check to support their ministry. A few years later she went in for surgery to perform a heart bypass and her heart, quite literally, fell apart in the surgeon’s hands. She died in terrible pain a few days later.

She was a wonderful woman, and we all loved her very much. Of course she’s not around to say how prayer failed her, in part by causing her to delay getting the medical help she needed, back when it might have saved her life.

Gay Marriage: Is Beastiality like a Gateway Drug?

Here is a common religious objection to gay marriage:

"If same-sex marriage becomes legal, what’s to stop polygamous and polyamorous people — even dog lovers and who knows who else — from demanding marriage rights?"

I doubt that anything would stop them from demanding these rights — assuming these people are willing to be publicly identified as dog-fuckers. Hammond, Indiana, is the only place I know of where this stuff is considered okay. 

I recall that there was this kid who went to my high school in Arkansas — who got the nickname "Bird Dog" after he was caught masturbating a dog. Sounds a bit weird ... okay, a lot weird. Or maybe that story wasn't true at all. Yeah, it was probably just the usual redneck hazing of a fat kid.

On the other hand, I had a friend in High School who admitted that he often had sex with cows. He offered to show me how (I humbly declined). A few years later he got married, had several children, and did the whole nine yards of heterosexual marriage. Today he is a kindly & beloved grandfather.

I, on the other hand, have three children and no grandchildren. Maybe I made an unfortunate mistake that day back in 1968 when I declined his offer. Hard to say.

The cows were Black Angus—keep that in mind as you enjoy your next 100% all-meat Angus beef burger.

Why George W. Bush is a lousy Christian

Why George W. Bush is a lousy Christian...

SHORT ANSWER:

1. Thou shalt not kill.

2. Thou shalt not steal.

3. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor (even Saddam).

4. Etc., etc., etc., ....

LONG ANSWER:

Like a lot of people who come out of A.A., George Bush has a new self-righteous "born-again" mindset. Now that he is "clean and sober" and, better yet, has a "personal relationship" with his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, George thinks that his actions are beyond reproach. No on can question his motives or criticize his ethical lapses. He is now "saved" and wears this label as a badge of honor. No matter how vile and selfish his actions may appear, we should all cut him some slack and take his word that he is a good Christian who would never lie, cheat, steal, etc. Of course, while he was President he had plenty of people on his staff who could do these things for him, so he could keep a (somewhat) clear conscience. Even today he has plenty of people at Fox News who praise his name and tell him how wonderful he was.

Bush was the perfect front-man for a corrupt administration. He was too dumb to comprehend the crimes committed in his name, and he was too arrogant to believe that his friends and political allies were simply using him as a stooge. Bush is "saved" and therefore can do no wrong.

By any objective or unobjective measure you want to use, George Bush was a lousy Christain. That people like Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell praised his "faith" and "values" only reflects on their own self-righteous arrogance and pride.

Who are the "Christian Haters"

It fact, is is hard to find real "Christian Haters" in this country. Most of the people I know find Christians to be rather amusing, when they are not out-and-out hysterically funny. For example the hotel maids who found stains on a hotel sheet and decided it was a picture of the Virgin Mary, or the woman who saw Jesus' face on a toasted cheese sandwich. And then there is my sister-in-law who refuses to let her kids eat alphabet soup because the kids might accidentally spell "satan" or "hell" and then eat the letters... (can you say "de-mon-iac-ly po-ssessed" ?) It's all just too funny. How can you hate such folks? They are a laugh a minute.

No, if you want to find true out-and-out Christian Haters, you have to find people who have really suffered at the hands of Christians. You have to find people who have been hurt through the blindness and arrogance of right-wing Christians. So if you really want to find Christian Haters, I would recommend you travel to Iraq. There are many thousands of people there who are truly suffering because of the vile and disgusting actions of George W. Bush, not to mention the anti-Muslim bigotry of his right-wing Christian friends.

In the U.S. there are probably plenty of people who dismiss Christians and laugh at their foibles, but if you really want to find Christian Haters, then you should go to Iraq. George W. Bush has created many thousands of them.

Going “Smoke Free”

I imagine some people are wondering why so much effort is being focused on making businesses and schools and universities “Smoke Free.” I imagine is has something to do with creating a healthier environment, but — paranoid as I am — I suspect there is another agenda, too.

It seems likely that the authorities want to make as many places “Smoke Free” as they can, before marijuana is legalized. This, I think, is the real agenda. Limiting places where people can smoke weed is the real reason behind prohibiting people from smoking tobacco.

Ironically, I know of one state university where the ballyhoo over becoming “Smoke Free” has had some unintended consequences. Just as the “Smoke Free” crusade was gearing up, a bunch of students from the Middle East decide they wanted to go to somewhere else — to a school where they wouldn’t be harassed about their use of tobacco. Ultimately the university lost over a million dollars in tuition and room & board that they would otherwise have kept.

Jehovah, Satan, or JuJu -- Your Choice!

One of the ironies of life is that the average Christian assumes that non-belief in the Christian god is somehow equivalent to belief in some other supernatural deity.  If you listen to the Sunday morning t.v. evangelists, they all claim that the growth of secularism in America has somehow led people to a belief and acceptance of Satanism, devil-worship, and serial murder, much the same way that rock-n-roll has led to the popularity of tattoos and body peircing.

The logic of this seems strangely contorted.  If a person does not believe in the Christian god, why would he believe in Satan?  I do not believe in the efficacy of prayer, whether the prayer is addressed to Jehovah, Satan, or JuJu.  A person who does not believe in the supernatural is not likely to engage in a Black Mass, sacrifice a goat, or stick pins in a doll.  This kind of behavior is pretty much limited to believers in the supernatural.

Obviously, Satanism is a form of Christianity, much as Voodoo is a form of Catholicism.  Both Satanism and Voodoo are obviously offshoots of, and their rites based on Christian rituals.  According to his autobiography, Anton Szandor LaVey, the founder of the American Church of Satan, learned his trade while traveling with evangelical Christian tent revivals.  Similarly, Voodoo came into existence as a mixture of African religions and Catholicism among the African slaves in New Orleans.

Clearly, therefore, a non-believer cannot be a Satanist, nor would he encourage others to become followers of Satan.  The idea is absurd.  But as a Free-Thinker, if Satan were to appear before me--His Infernal Self smoking a Cuban stogie, smelling of sulphur & brimstone, and shooting flames out of His ass--I would have to reconsider.  But until then I choose not to believe in any of the Gods or their fiendish underlings.

These ideas are only accepted by the gullible.