Don't You Dare "LOL" for Satan!!!

Don't You Dare "LOL"

A Christian blogger has asked his friends to stop using the abbreviation LOL in their texts. He claims that LOL stands for "Lucifer, Our Lord" which is a phrase used in prayers invented by Anton Szandor LaVey for his Church of Satan.

(If you don't remember LaVey, it probably helps to know that LaVey began his career as a carny back in the 1950s. He traveled the carnival circuit as a young man and was shocked, SHOCKED, to discover that many of the same men who came to the nudie shows at the carnival on Saturday night also showed up at the Church services in the big tent on Sunday morning ... perhaps hung over a bit, but these guys were there in the tent ready to pray and sing and praise God for the Great Mystery of Creation-ism. LeVey's experiences as a carny let to his creating the Church of Satan.)

Are some Christians so goofy that they would really avoid using LOL??? After all, in addition to Lucifer, Our Lord, the LOL might mean Laugh Out Loud, or Lyle On Larry, or Limerick Over London, or Lunch On Lasik ... Rejecting LOL just seems just too crazy for words.

But I know lots of Christians who would do this. For example, my sister-in-law refused to let her daughters eat alphabet soup because they might spell out the word SATAN or EVIL or DEVIL using the little pasta letters and then become the owner of a demonic influence. Yeah, really! This is true. When we babysat, we were specifically told that these kids were not allowed to eat Post Alpha-Bits cereal or Campbell's alphabet soup. Those demons can slip in your mouth, WHAM! And then you are demonically possessed.

Some years have passed, and I am now convinced that the two older girls must have gotten some Alpha-Bits cereal somehow, and they decided to defy their mother by spelling out C-O-C-K with bits of whole-wheat goodness.* Yes, that's how demonic possession gets started in childhood.

On the other hand, the youngest girl must have obeyed her mother, since she is now a co-ed and apparently trying hard to avoid being labeled LUG.* She has somehow managed to avoid demonic possession and will soon be in the job market. FYI.

I'm not sure if the youngest boy spelled out anything, but I remember that he used to crawl around with a plastic GI JOE figure in his mouth.

However, I've have also seen him crawl around on the floor with his sister's BARBIE doll ... and with the doll's foot in his mouth. So what does that mean? Is he going to turn out Gay? A future Toe-sucker? Hard to tell, at least just yet. Maybe he's just too young to know what he wants.

I think for his next birthday I'll get him a pair of Hello Kitty briefs, just to see what he does. I guess if they go in his mouth, too....  well, okay, I don't know what that might mean. Except I'm pretty sure he takes after Grandpa's side of the family.

*  At least they both now have minimum-wage jobs at Chick-fil-A
 
** Lucifer's Until Graduation.